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From the creator of The Honest Toddler comes a fiction debut “perfect for readers looking for a funny, realistic look at motherhood” (Booklist, starred review). There are good moms and bad moms . . . and then there are hot-mess moms. Confessions of a Domestic Failure introduces readers to Ashley Keller, career girl turned stay-at-home mom who’s trying to navigate the world of Pinterest-perfect mommies. When Ashley gets the chance to enroll in a mommy-blog maven’s Motherhood Better boot camp, she jumps at the chance to become the perfect mom she’s always wanted to be. But the pursuit of perfection has a way of going perfectly wrong. With her razor-sharp wit, Bunmi Laditan creates an unforgettable and hilariously relatable character while lambasting the social pressures every new mother faces. “Freaking hilarious. This is the novel moms have been waiting for.” —Jenny Lawson, #1 New York Times–bestselling author of Let’s Pretend This Never Happened
Are you looking to strengthen your relationship with God? Do you find yourself untangling the threads of what it is you really believe? Are you longing for a deeper connection to your spiritual side? Bunmi Laditan has been in your shoes. In the midst of her darkest days, Bunmi began writing down her deepest fears, hopes, dreams, and frustrations with God in the form of letters. The result of Bunmi's soul-searching journey is Dear God, a collection of funny, heartbreaking, and deeply insightful prayers that put words to the emotions we all feel as we grapple with this broken world and search for divine love. With the same gutsy and poetic honesty that has already charmed readers around the world, Bunmi now shares these moving, intimate conversations with God--prayers and poems that chart her story of reconnecting with the God she loved, lost, and found once again. Dear God catalogs what we're all thinking as we work out our personal relationships with God. These candid field notes will stir your heart and make you laugh out loud with Bunmi's self-awareness and profound insight into the spiritual journeys we're all doing our best to navigate. Join Bunmi as she travels through those all-too-familiar emotions--doubt, anger, joy, desperation, love, loneliness, and gratefulness--that humanity has always wrestled with. Wittily fresh and stunningly relatable, she exquisitely shares the painfully honest questions she's asked along the way, including: God, what is holiness? God, how can it be worth it to love life when it could slip away at any moment? God, what do I do when forgiveness feels impossible? God, I know you love me, but do you like me? This poignant collection of prayers is a timely reminder that even when we wander, God never leaves our side.
Sometimes I just let my children fall asleep in front of the TV. In a culture that idealizes motherhood, it’s scary to confess that, in your house, being a mother is beautiful and dirty and joyful and frustrating all at once. Admitting that it’s not easy doesn’t make you a bad mom; at least, it shouldn’t. If I can’t survive my daughter as a toddler, how the hell am I going to get through the teenage years? When Jill Smokler was first home with her small children, she thought her blog would be something to keep friends and family updated. To her surprise, she hit a chord in the hearts of mothers everywhere. I end up doing my son’s homework. It’s wrong, but so much easier. Total strangers were contributing their views on that strange reality called motherhood. As other women shared their stories, Jill realized she wasn’t alone in her feelings of exhaustion and imperfection. My eighteen month old still can’t say “Mommy” but used the word “shit” in perfect context. But she sensed her readers were still holding back, so decided to start an anonymous confessional, a place where real moms could leave their most honest thoughts without fearing condemnation. I pretend to be happy but I cry every night in the shower. The reactions were amazing: some sad, some pee-in-your-pants funny, some brutally honest. But they were real, not a commercial glamorization. I clock out of motherhood at 8 P.M. and hide in the basement with my laptop and a beer. If you’re already a fan, lock the bathroom door on your whining kids, run a bubble bath, and settle in. If you’ve not encountered Scary Mommy before, break out a glass of champagne as well, because you’ll be toasting your initiation into a select club. I know why some animals eat their young. In chapters that cover husbands (The Biggest Baby of Them All) to homework (Didn’t I Already Graduate?), Confessions of a Scary Mommy combines all-new essays from Jill with the best of the anonymous confessions. Sometimes I wish my son was still little—then I hear kids screaming at the store. As Jill says, “We like to paint motherhood as picture perfect. A newborn peacefully resting on his mother’s chest. A toddler taking tentative first steps into his mother’s loving arms. A mother fluffing her daughter’s prom dress. These moments are indeed miraculous and joyful; they can also be few and far between.” Of course you adore your kids. Of course you would lay down your life for them. But be honest now: Have you ever wondered what possessed you to sign up for the job of motherhood? STOP! DO NOT OPEN THIS BOOK UNTIL YOU RECITE THESE VOWS! I shall remember that no mother is perfect and my children will thrive because, and sometimes even in spite, of me. I shall not preach to a fellow mother who has not asked my opinion. It’s none of my damn business. I shall maintain a sense of humor about all things motherhood.
Bracingly candid, sweetly indignant, and writing with an unchecked sense of entitlement, the Internet's wildly popular Honest Toddler delivers a guide to the parenting techniques he deems acceptable (keep the cake coming and the apple juice undiluted).
Toddler a**holery is a normal part of human development—not unlike puberty, except this stage involves throwing food on the floor and taking swings at people who pay your way in life. For parents of toddlers, it's a "you better laugh so you don't cry" period. Bunmi Laditan's hilarious, satirical guide to toddlerhood offers parents instant (and very welcome) comic relief—along with the very good news that "It's Not Your Fault." Chapters cover the cost of raising a toddler, feeding your toddler, potty-training, tantrums, how to manage the holidays, and "how not to die inside." Parents will see themselves in the very funny sections on taking your toddler to restaurants ("One parent will spend their time walking your toddler around the restaurant and outside like a cocker spaniel, while the other, luckier parent will eat alone."), Things You Thought You'd Never Say That You Now Say As a Parent of a Toddler ("I can tell you're pooping because your eyes are watering."), and how to order pizza ("Spend $40 on pizza delivery. Listen to your toddler cry for 30 minutes about how the pizza is all wrong. Watch your toddler take a small bite of crust. Google 'can anger give you a heart attack?' Start the bedtime routine."). Laditan's wildly funny voice has attracted hundreds of thousands of fans of Honest Toddler on social media; here she speaks parent-to-tired-parent, easing the pains and challenges of raising toddlers with a hefty dose of adult humor and wit.
Perkins, a former chief economist at a Boston strategic-consulting firm, confesses he was an "economic hit man" for 10 years, helping U.S. intelligence agencies and multinationals cajole and blackmail foreign leaders into serving U.S. foreign policy and awarding lucrative contracts to American business.
From the New York Times bestselling author of Confessions of a Scary Mommy and the wildly popular blog ScaryMommy.com, a hilarious new essay collection that exposes the “vicious lies” that every parent is told. Newly pregnant and scared out of her mind, Jill Smokler lay on her gynecologist’s examination table and was told the biggest lie she’d ever heard in her life: “Motherhood is the most natural thing in the world.” Instead of quelling her nerves like that well intentioned nurse hoped to, Jill was instead set up for future of questioning exactly what DNA strand she was missing that made the whole motherhood experience feel less than natural to her. Wonderful? Yes. Miraculous? Of course. Worthwhile? Without a doubt. But natural? Not so much. Jill’s first memoir, the New York Times bestseller Confessions of a Scary Mommy, rocketed to national fame with its down and dirty details about life with her three precious bundles of joy. Now Jill returns with all-new essays debunking more than twenty pervasive myths about motherhood. She’s here to give you what few others will dare: The truth.
From Bunmi Laditan, the creator of the Honest Toddler blog, The Big Bed is a humorous picture book about a girl who doesn't want to sleep in her little bed, so she presents her dad with his own bed—a camping cot!—in order to move herself into her parents' big bed in his place. A twist on the classic parental struggle of not letting kids sleep in their bed.
People in Merit, Wisconsin, always said Jimmy was . . . you know. But people said all sorts of stupid stuff. Nobody really knew anything. Nobody really knew Jimmy. I guess you could say I knew Jimmy as well as anyone (which was not very well). I knew what scared him. And I knew he had dreams—even if I didn't understand them. Even if he nearly ruined my life to pursue them. Jimmy's dead now, and I definitely know that better than anyone. I know about blood and bone and how bodies decompose. I know about shadows and stones and hatchets. I know what a last cry for help sounds like. I know what blood looks like on my own hands. What I don't know is if I can trust my own eyes. I don't know who threw the stone. Who swung the hatchet? Who are the shadows? What do the living owe the dead?
While wide-awake in the middle of the night (welcome to menopause!), Amy Ferris chronicles every one of her hysterical, heartbreaking, ridiculous, and unflinchingly honest thoughts. Along with fantasizing about marrying George Clooney, Ferris faces a plethora of other insomnia-induced thoughts and activities. From Googling old boyfriends to researching obscure and fatal diseases on the web, she worries endlessly about her husband, relies heavily on Ambien, and tries to arrange care via the Internet for her mother (who has both severe dementia and a massive crush on Jesus Christ) - all while refraining from lighting up just one more cigarette.