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The devastation of a controlling relationship has to be endured to be believed. From the constant fear of upsetting your spouse, the walking on eggshells in case you've done or said something wrong, or the relentless feeling of anxiety, a controlling partner will beat you down until you no longer recognize yourself. Coercive control will see an abuser dominate their victim's life; from the food they eat, the people they see, the places they can go and the things they can say. A controlling partner, through fear and intimidation, will seek to ensure their victim is subdued, to the point of accepting any and all abuse that's fired their way. By manipulation, gaslighting, lies, and hurtful insults, the abuser will make their victim a willing puppet on a string, ready to be utilized how the controlling spouse sees fit. Coercive control is seldom talked about in comparison to other forms of abuse, yet it's so commonplace in relationships. Plenty of victims of this type of behavior may not even be aware that's it's full-blown abuse. Many more see controlling behavior as their partner's way of showing they 'care'. In order to shed light on this topic, and reach out to those who need help in understanding and overcoming a controlling partner, I have created this book as their starting point. I was shackled to a malignant narcissist for many years of my life, being controlled and manipulated, day-in, day-out. As a proud survivor of abuse, I feel obligated to help others in their journey towards getting their power back and recovering from the cruel effects of an abusive relationship. This book will cover the following: - what coercive control is - the devastating effects of a controlling relationship - financial coercion - breaking the spell of abuse - coercive control after separating I use my own experiences, as well as those of the survivors I've connected with via Escape the Narcissist, to help piece together the things you need to know about this type of abusive relationship.
Drawing on cases, Stark identifies the problems with our current approach to domestic violence, outlines the components of coercive control, and then uses this alternate framework to analyse the cases of battered women charged with criminal offenses directed at their abusers.
When you are showered with attention, it can feel incredibly romantic and can blind you to hints of problems ahead. But what happens when attentiveness becomes domination? In some relationships, the desire to control leads to jealousy, threats, micromanaging--even physical violence. If you or someone you care about are trapped in a web of coercive control, this book provides answers, hope, and a way out. Lisa Aronson Fontes draws on both professional expertise and personal experience to help you: *Recognize controlling behaviors of all kinds. *Understand why this destructive pattern occurs. *Determine whether you are in danger and if your partner can change. *Protect yourself and your kids. *Find the support and resources you need. *Take action to improve or end your relationship. *Regain your freedom and independence.
Coercive Control provides a beacon for survivors of partner abuse. Parker's nonjudgmental, empathic voice offers knowledge gleaned from years of experience. Survivors gain answers to frequently asked questions: • Am I being abused? • Why do they hurt me? • Why do I feel so crazy? • What can I change? • Why do they believe they should control us? • How do I recognize abuse of power? • How do I heal? Each chapter contains illustrative vignettes and suggestions for reflection to assist readers in discovering what they want. Coercive Relationships lifts the private shame survivors feel by connecting their abusers' actions to societal values and beliefs that permit all forms of violence.
A controlling or abusive partner can break even the strongest person—unless you know what to look for. Written by an expert in intimate partner abuse and based on her highly successful recovery program for women with controlling partners, this book will give you the strength, courage, and strategies you need to acknowledge the problem and stand up for yourself once and for all—whether you stay or leave the relationship. If you have a controlling partner, you aren’t alone. Millions of women suffer psychological abuse at the hands of a spouse or intimate partner during some point in their lives, not fully seeing or knowing what is happening to them. Research shows that psychological abuse affects women’s overall well-being more than physical abuse, is a bigger contributor to inducing fear, and can be a precursor to violence. To make matters worse, having a controlling partner often results in hidden injuries like anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, trauma, and low self-efficacy—feeling like you can’t make a difference in your life. So, where can you turn for help? Based on over a decade of clinical and domestic abuse research, Women with Controlling Partners will help you identify the coercive constraints that can be predictive of intimate partner abuse, recognize the harmful effects of psychological abuse on your mental and physical health, and gain the personal strength and power to break free. Using the author’s three-stage recovery model, you’ll be empowered to move out of denial, deconstruct what holds you psychologically captive, and take back your life. Abuse can be devastating, and having a controlling partner can make you feel crazy—and as if you’re the one responsible. But you’re not crazy, and you’re not to blame! With this important, one-of-a-kind recovery process, you’ll finally find the clarity of mind, courage, and strength to protect yourself from the hurtful control that damages your mental and physical health, and move toward a safer and happier life.
Helping troubled parents to raise their children adequately is of crucial importance for parents, their children and society at large. Distressed parents have themselves often been endangered and, as a consequence, sometimes endanger their children either through maltreatment or through the effects of parental psychiatric disorder. Raising Parents explains how that happens and clusters parents in terms of the psychological processes that result in maladaptive childrearing. The book then delineates DMM Integrative Treatment in terms of assessment, formulation, and treatment. New formulations are offered for problems that have resisted treatment and cases demonstrate how the ideas can be applied in real treatment settings. The book closes with 10 suggestions for improving professionals’ responses to troubled families and endangered children. This edition of Raising Parents introduces DMM Integrative Treatment and demonstrates how to use it with vulnerable families. DMM Integrative Treatment is an interpersonal process and this book will be essential reading for clinicians from all disciplines, including psychiatry and psychology, social work, nursing and all types of psychotherapy.
In this groundbreaking bestseller, Lundy Bancroft—a counselor who specializes in working with abusive men—uses his knowledge about how abusers think to help women recognize when they are being controlled or devalued, and to find ways to get free of an abusive relationship. He says he loves you. So...why does he do that? You’ve asked yourself this question again and again. Now you have the chance to see inside the minds of angry and controlling men—and change your life. In Why Does He Do That? you will learn about: • The early warning signs of abuse • The nature of abusive thinking • Myths about abusers • Ten abusive personality types • The role of drugs and alcohol • What you can fix, and what you can’t • And how to get out of an abusive relationship safely “This is without a doubt the most informative and useful book yet written on the subject of abusive men. Women who are armed with the insights found in these pages will be on the road to recovering control of their lives.”—Jay G. Silverman, Ph.D., Director, Violence Prevention Programs, Harvard School of Public Health
This book offers a critical appreciation of the nature and impact of coercive control in interpersonal relationships. It examines what this concept means, who is impacted by the behaviours it captures, and how academics, policymakers, and policy advocates have responded to the increasing recognition of the deleterious effects that coercive control has on especially women’s lives. The book discusses the historical emergence of this concept, who its main proponents have been, and how its effects have been understood. It considers the role of coercive control in making sense of women’s pathway into crime as well as their experiences of it as victims. Coercive control has been presented predominantly as a gendered process, and consideration is given in this book to the efficacy of this assumption as well as the extent to which the concept makes sense for a wide constituency of marginalized women. In recent years, much energy has been given to efforts to criminalize coercive control, and the concerns that these efforts generate are discussed in detail, alongside what the limitations to such initiatives might be. In conclusion, the book situates the rising pre-occupation with coercive control within the broader concerns with policy transfer, ways of taking account of victim-survivor voices, alongside the importance of working towards more holistic policy responses to violence(s) against women. The book will be of particular interest to academics, policymakers, and practitioners working in criminal justice who wish to understand both the nature and extent of coercive control and the importance of appreciating the role of nuance in translating that understanding into practice.
'If your relationship is so bad, why don't you just leave them?' 'If you were in such an abusive relationship, why did you stay with them for so long?' 'If you knew you were in a relationship with such a toxic person, why didn't you ask people for help?' If you've ever been asked these questions, aside from being ignorant and hurtful, you'll know it's beyond frustrating. The answer to the above questions, whilst it's complex and often confusing, can be given with two words: trauma bonded. If you find you're in a relationship that you know is so toxic that it's crushing your very being, but you can't bring yourself to leave, you may be in the clutches of a tight trauma bond. If you're constantly feeling on edge, forever working to appease your spouse to little avail and like you're constantly being chipped away at with their abusive behavior, then I can understand how emotionally shattering it feels to live this way. If in the same breath, it breaks your heart to even consider leaving them because you can't imagine life without them, then I can understand that feeling too; because I was trauma bonded to my abusive ex. From my own personal experience and from the experiences other survivors have opened up to me about, this book will cover the following: - What trauma bonding really is - The 7 stages that lead to you becoming trauma bonded - The parallels that Stockholm syndrome has with trauma bonding - The 5 stages you go through when you come to accept you're trauma bonded - The cognitive dissonance a trauma bond can cause - Breaking free from the traumatic bond This book will also include my own experiences and I'll draw upon those to help you really understand trauma bonding, and let you know that you're not alone in being shackled by this emotionally crippling bond. More importantly, this book will help you understand that the invisible chain that tethers you to your abuser can be broken.
Domestic abuse is a national emergency: one in four Australian women has experienced violence from a man she was intimate with. But too often we ask the wrong question: why didn’t she leave? We should be asking: why did he do it? Investigative journalist Jess Hill puts perpetrators – and the systems that enable them – in the spotlight. See What You Made Me Do is a deep dive into the abuse so many women and children experience – abuse that is often reinforced by the justice system they trust to protect them. Critically, it shows that we can drastically reduce domestic violence – not in generations to come, but today. Combining forensic research with riveting storytelling, See What You Made Me Do radically rethinks how to confront the national crisis of fear and abuse in our homes. ‘A shattering book: clear-headed and meticulous, driving always at the truth’—Helen Garner ‘One Australian a week is dying as a result of domestic abuse. If that was terrorism, we’d have armed guards on every corner.’ —Jimmy Barnes ‘Confronting in its honesty this book challenges you to keep reading no matter how uncomfortable it is to face the profound rawness of people’s stories. Such a well written book and so well researched. See What You Made Me Do sheds new light on this complex issue that affects so many of us.’—Rosie Batty