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An irreverent romantic comedy of biblical proportions! "'I was wondering if you'd like me to suck your-' " "The deck of cards I was carefully thumbing through flipped out of my hands across the table and into my lap, the half played game of solitaire crumbling under the onslaught of red and black on white. I looked at the chaos spread on the flat surface of my girlfriend's dining room table-a million thoughts crashing into each other in a haphazard parody of those same playing cards." "My name is Daniel Kroker. I've just turned fifteen, and while my girlfriend and I have been dating a month, I have no plan for this scenario..." "I struggled to think of something to say, a meaningful response to what ultimately should be every teenage boy's dream come true. But I'm stuck, nothing comes out my mouth-my dick is slowly getting hard under the table, hogging all the resources required for rational thought. I will my penis to relinquish the blood it has requisitioned from my brain." "See, I'm a Christian, in a family of seriously devout Christians and every action that may end in any form of fun is largely put on hold until I can ask myself 'WWJD' (What Would Jesus Do?). WWJD has neither helped with my popularity, my will to live, or my ongoing attempts at initiating a sex-life, but has successfully been ingrained into every decision I make-including this one." Talon likes a girl but can't talk to her. Enter his father, Daniel, who recreates the story of a shallow, fast talking youth in the nineties that fell for the forbidden girl he couldn't be with, but must pursue. Follow Daniel's struggle to overcome bullies, boyfriends, angry exes, social obscurity, a complete lack of understanding of love and the opposite sex, as well as the growing divide between himself, home and a cockblocking Christian conscience. Cockblocked by Jesus is an adult take on traditional teen romantic comedy that will make you laugh, and cry, as you root for the unlikely underdog. Recommended for adults, it is a story that is relatable by anyone who struggled with overbearing parents, religion or unpopularity, while giving an uncomfortably honest insight into the mechanics of the teen male mind.
"Neil Young is a figure who straddles divisions: he's Canadian and American, folkie and rocker, an old guy relevant enough to be quoted in the suicide note of Kurt Cobain. His brilliant, gnomic, lyrical music has earned him fans of all vintages and persuasions - among them novelist Kevin Chong." "Fast approaching the dreaded age of thirty, Chong is shocked to realize that his boyhood hero is turning sixty. He takes to the road in celebration, crisscrossing the continent with three buddies and a hatbox full of space cakes to visit places central to Neil's life and career. Chong doesn't meet the man in his travels, but that was never his intention. Instead, his brief vacation from adulthood - recounted to hilarious effect in these pages - teaches him something about rock 'n' roll, contrarianism, being cool, and aging gracefully: staying Young."--BOOK JACKET.
Featured as a "This Week's Reading/What We're Loving" pick at The Paris Review Named the Best Music-Related Book of 2014 by Joel Gausten "If you're a Jesus Lizard fan or a David Yow devotee, you're sure all over this. But even if you've never heard of the band, the book stands as one of the best ways to experience being in a tight, cohesive band. You get everything except the sweat, spilled beer, and blood. It's a fun ride, and the closest thing possible to getting in the van with these guys." --Mother Jones "The Jesus Lizard Book is a beautiful document of a band that wasn't afraid to be abrasive, chaotic, brutal, and sometimes, ugly." --The Chicago Tribune/Printers Row "These guys deserve to pat themselves on the back...If the spectacular photography in The Jesus Lizard Book is to be believed, their shows resembled nothing more than that scene in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom where some poor dude has his still-beating heart removed in an elaborate ritual." --The Paris Review "As a reader, you don’t need to hear the songs to appreciate the story--and Book delivers the band right to your coffee table loud and clear." --BoingBoing.net "The gorgeously crafted, 176-page hardcover Book...dives deep and candidly into the Jesus Lizard's first decade and touches a bit on that 2009 coda, too. Through many thousands of words, hundreds of photos, and collected ephemera, it celebrates the sweat, menace, humor, musicianship, lasting power, and genitals of one of the best bands ever coughed up by the rock underground." --The Village Voice "Book is a valuable document that brings us back to the era when artists were conditioned to practice the art of self-defense." --Pitchfork "A series of essays and photos that illuminates the Jesus Lizard--humorous, jolting, sometimes surprisingly moving." --The Chicago Tribune "If there is any recurring theme within the 176 pages of the newly released The Jesus Lizard Book it's this: The Chicago-grown noise rockers will be remembered as one of the greatest live bands to ever grace--or very well desecrate--the stage." --Chicago Sun-Times "Impressively candid, informed and informative history of a remarkable group of musicians. A 'must read' for their legions of appreciative fans...Highly recommended." --Midwest Book Review "Even if you're unfamiliar with or disinterested with the band's music, Book makes for an intriguing exploration of the alternative music scene of the '90s--a short burst in time when a band as gloriously odd as The Jesus Lizard could do whatever they wanted to do and get a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow." --Joel Gausten The Jesus Lizard Book is a coffee table affair of exclusive photography, art, and other imagery with written pieces by all four members of the seminal indie rock band the Jesus Lizard. The layout is stylish and elegant, particularly in contrast with the harshness of much of the band's music. Included are many Polaroids by David Wm. Sims, a delicious recipe by David Yow, a concise list of every show the Jesus Lizard played, and writings by two producers who recorded the band--Steve Albini and Andy Gill. There is biographical material of each member that covers childhood to the demise of the group. Other contributors include, Mike Watt, Alexander Hacke, Steve Gullick, Rebecca Gates, Jeff Lane, Sasha Frere-Jones, KRK, Bernie Bahrmasel, and many more.
The last thing Officer Max St. Stevens expects when he responds to an armed robbery at a grocery store is meeting the woman of his dreams. Now, he needs to figure out what she’s hiding and how to convince her that she belongs with him. For over five years Opal and her younger sister, Pearl, have been on the run, hiding from the dangerous people who wish them harm. Everything in their lives is a lie, and they need help, but don’t know how to get it. One night, Opal meets Max when the grocery store she’s working is robbed. There’s an instant connection that can’t be denied. Will she trust him with her secrets that could destroy more than just her? Author's Note: This is a dark new adult romance and is intended for readers 18 and up due to sensitive content, that some may find difficult to read. Please be aware, this book does contain sexual assault, as well as psychological and physical violence. Reader discretion is advised.
From the Coretta Scott King and Printz Honor-winning author of How It Went Down, Light It Up, and Revolution In Our Time comes a moving contemporary YA novel about the bonds between a group of teens whose lives have been upended by tragedy. Fifteen-year-old Kermit Sanders knows grief and its all-encompassing shadows. After losing his beloved older sister in a tragic car accident, nothing quite punctures through the feelings of loss. Everywhere Kermit goes, he is reminded of her. But then Kermit finds a mysterious invitation in his locker, signed anonymously with "-1." He has no idea what he's in for, but he shows up to find out. Dubbed the "Minus-One Club," a group of his schoolmates has banded together as a form of moral support. The members have just one thing in common—they have all suffered the tragic loss of someone they loved. The usual dividing lines between high school classes and cliques don’t apply inside the Minus-One Club, and Kermit’s secret crush, the handsome and happy-go-lucky Matt (and only out gay student at school), is also a part of the group. Slowly, Matt's positive headstrong approach to life helps relieve Kermit of his constant despair. But as Kermit grows closer to Matt, the light of his new life begins to show the cracks beneath the surface. When Matt puts himself in danger by avoiding his feelings, Kermit must find the strength to not only lift himself back up but to help the rest of the group from falling apart. Praise for The Minus-One Club ★ "Magoon thoughtfully includes themes relating to depression, suicide, identity and religious expression as she compassionately builds Kermit's complicated, sensitive inner life and depicts the various ways people might respond to the loss of a loved one." –Shelf Awareness, starred review "This evocative exploration of grief, sexual identity, and personal spirituality will be a boon to any teen grappling with these issues." –Horn Book
The Routledge Dictionary of Modern American Slang and Unconventional English offers the ultimate record of modern American Slang. The 25,000 entries are accompanied by citations that authenticate the words as well as offer lively examples of usage from popular literature, newspapers, magazines, movies, television shows, musical lyrics, and Internet user groups. Etymology, cultural context, country of origin and the date the word was first used are also provided. This informative, entertaining and sometimes shocking dictionary is an unbeatable resource for all language aficionados out there.
Using the same humor and honesty that galvanized more than a million online readers from more than 200 countries, speaker Jon Acuff brings his insightful take on Christianity to the book world with this new edition of Stuff Christians Like. Do you constantly find yourself towing the fine line between praying before certain types of meals and not others? This book is for you. Have you fallen in love on a mission trip, just to break up when you get home? This book is for you. Are you a unicorn of purity who ranks honeymoon sex slightly higher than the second coming of Christ? Guess what – this book is for you, too. It’s time to shake off Somber Christian Syndrome and embrace the quirks of being a member of God’s kingdom. This book will teach you how to: Break up with your small group Subtly find out if your new Christian friends drink beer too Recognize the shame grenade that is a Jesus Juke Avoid a prayer handholding faux pas Say something Christian-y without looking like a snake handler From prayer shot blocks to metro worship leaders, no stone is left unturned in this hilarious look at faith. “I never knew how much I needed Jesus until I found out I was judging people who use the table of contents in their Bible. This book saved me from looking like a bad Christian.” – Sister Mary Francis, Rhode Island. “It’s such a time saver to know that my Chick-fil-a from the drive-thru comes pre-blessed. I always knew I was making the right choice by choosing the Lord’s chicken.” – Dave L., South Carolina.
From USA Today Bestselling Author K Webster, comes a new MC dark standalone novel! I’m a Fed. Rigid. Rule follower. One of the good guys. I uphold the law…when it suits me. My loyalty lies first with my brother, Koyn, and secondly with his motorcycle club. Jeremy Koynakov was the man I used to be. I’m Copper now. For a decade, I aided my brother in his quest for revenge. We thirsted for vengeance. Hunted the villains together. Killed when necessary. He finally found some semblance of peace in a mouthy pageant girl, and all was right in our screwed-up world. But a certain blonde within our ranks ruined everything. Tried to wreck our home, our lives, and our freedom. She betrayed us. Because of me. It’s my responsibility to deal with this little storm who was set on destroying our world. I could end her. It’d be easier. Simple and clean. But that’s not the MC way. We pride ourselves on being brutal and messy. For a man who’s spent the better part of ten years, aching to make those suffer who’ve wronged my family, it’s a simple choice: Take her. Punish her. Make her pay. I’m done following rules. That time of my life is over. I’ll finally patch in and become how I’ve been groomed to be. I’m ready to embrace this new life where I’m not a good guy… Every villain needs a pet. And she just became mine.
Jenny McCarthy--actress, comedian, activist, and New York Times bestselling author--candidly recounts her humorous Catholic upbringing, from her childhood dream of becoming a nun to her Playmate of the Year centerfold, and all of the Hail Mary's in between. In keeping with the theme of her comedic New York Times bestsellers, from Belly Laughs to Love, Lust & Faking It, McCarthy brings her trademark honesty, humility, and humor to bear as she chronicles her often embarrassing, occasionally outlandish, and always entertaining life as a born-and-raised Catholic girl. Jenny attended one of the most prestigious all-girl Catholic schools in Chicago. While most young girls in Jenny's neighborhood were playing with Cabbage Patch dolls for fun, Jenny was playing with Jesus, Mary, and Joseph dolls. She had every intention of growing up and becoming a nun, but a few hilarious speed bumps and blinking red lights along the way changed her mind. Jenny never did accept Sister Mary's reasoning that she could avoid purgatory if she just bought a string necklace for $10. The fact that two of her aunts are simultaneously nuns and cops-yes, they carry guns and shoot people while wearing a habit-never made complete sense to her. And neither does her mother's insistence that Jenny bury certain religious statues in the front lawns of her houses before she sells them. But then again, Jenny does have four of them buried across Southern California. This book tells the story of what went wrong during Jenny's Catholic upbringing, or, as Jenny puts it now, what went right. Chapters include: "I Knew I Should Have Worn Underwear to Church", "Jesus' Baby Mama", "Can Someone Kill Our Dog, Please?", and "Oh No, My Mom is Going to Hell." Bad Habits is a brutally honest, hilarious memoir that will delight the legions of Jenny McCarthy fans.
Control is book 1 of the Blackened Souls MC trilogy. Books 2 and 3, Restrain and Tether are available everywhere now! I REFUSE TO REST UNTIL SHE'S UNDER MY CONTROL. New girl in town means fresh meat for the taking. One and done is my usual motto… but this one is different. Taking her once won't be enough. I need her screaming my name, obeying my commands… and carrying my baby. She looked like a fish out of water when she wandered into my town. Said she was new around here… But all I heard was "Take me, please." Your wish is my command, princess. I'm the man who will ruin her for all others. Cocky as hell? Yeah. Hotter than that? Damn straight. And I'm more than ready to take this angel for a ride. But there's more to this girl than meets the eye. Turns out she was the bait in a trap I never saw coming. I'm a lone wolf, not a breeding stallion. But her father has other ideas. And with a gun against my head, what other choice do I have? Sleeping with Katrin is just the beginning of things. Before I know it, there's a wedding on the horizon. And my baby growing inside her belly. I guess this is what happens when you lose control.