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‘A terrific blow for freedom. Richly comic’ Boris Johnson. 'Properly funny. I've put it in a seldom-used toilet.' Jeremy Clarkson We are forever being ordered around – 100 things to do before you're 30; 50 albums you must own; change your life in two weeks. Why – is this an increasingly desperate search for happiness? Perhaps you can in fact attain happiness not by going anywhere or doing anything but instead by actually reducing your ambitions. This is the philosophy behind '63 Things Not To Do Before You Die'. Each chapter begins with a diatribe, followed by a detailed look at the alternative side of the most frequently cited must do's, giving off-putting facts and statistics to quote at holier-than-thou thrillseekers. Wish-fulfillment lists take heed...
After undergoing gall bladder surgery at age twenty-three, Jennette Fulda decided it was time to lose some weight. Actually, more like half her weight. At the time, Jennette weighed 372 pounds. Jennette was not born fat. But, by fifth grade, her response to a school questionnaire asking “what would you change about your appearance” was “I would be thinner.” Sound familiar? Half-Assed is the captivating and incredibly honest story of Jennette’s journey to get in shape, lose weight, and change her life. From the beginning—dusting off her never-used treadmill and steering clear of the donut shop—to the end with her goal weight in sight, Jennette wows readers with her determined persistence to shed pounds and the ability to maintain her ever-present sense of self.
Offering coverage of over 6,000 slang words and expressions from the Cockney 'abaht' to the American term 'zowie', this is the most authoritative dictionary of slang from the 20th and 21st centuries.
Half-Assed Marines by novelist Seamon Glass follows World War II, teen-Marine Sherman Glossman as he tries to play his patriotic duty to fight fascism and battle against the Japanese Empire's incursions into the Pacific theatre. Anxious to see action, Sherman and his unit of like-minded, young warriors find that getting into the war is harder than they thought as they face trials, tribulations, unwarlike adventures, and their share of romance everywhere but on the battlefield. Moving from island to island, and adventure to adventure, Sherman and his cohorts come of age during one of the pivotal wars of the millennium, and despite their frustration at not being on the front lines, they are all changed forever being part of this unlikely band of brothers. Written in masterful and engrossing prose, author Glass captures the zeitgeist of an era, and has written a coming-of-age, war epic that ranks with the best in the genre. Filled with rich settings, multi-dimensional characters, and action-packed subplots, Half-Assed Marines will be sure to please military fiction buffs and anyone who just loves a great story well told.
Welcome. Come amuse yourself in the company of slime-dripping vagina jaws, Aboriginal ABBA tribute bands and Deliverance-quoting parrots. This trio of politically incorrect comedies, which bleakly focus on male inadequacy and misogyny, will introduce you to a bunch of chronic misfits kicking around Wales, Australia and South Korea. But be warned - you may grow to like some of them. Just make sure you don't leave this little encyclopaedia of dysfunction on your maiden aunt's chair... Book 1: Looking For Sarah Jane Smith Marty's living in a Welsh town he hates, doing a job he's lost interest in and so bored he can't even be bothered with sex. But a new life beckons in Australia. It's also a chance to get away from his stupid mates, the loveable loser John and the ultra-macho Wasp Boy. Maybe he'll even meet an exquisite girl like his Doctor Who heroine, Sarah Jane Smith, and live happily ever after... Looking for Sarah Jane Smith - For anyone who suspects life's a bit rubbish. Part road trip and part celebration of idiotic male friendship, Looking for Sarah Jane Smith is sure to strike a chord with those who appreciate The Inbetweeners, Peep Show and Bill Hicks. Book 2: Manic Streets of Perth Perth. It's thousands of miles from anywhere, it's got a rubbish Bell Tower and not enough of the laidback locals are being eaten by sharks. Well, that's what expat reporter Paul Lewis thinks, but after a lonely Manic Street Preachers fan reveals her disastrously unlucky life suddenly nothing's the same... Manic Streets of Perth - Where a snake-wielding robber is just the start of your troubles. Gentler and warmer than Dave Franklin's other novels, Manic Streets of Perth is an easy to read comedy. Book 3: English Toss on Planet Andong Every year thousands of people travel to faraway lands to teach English as a foreign language. The fools. One such expat is Paul Taylor, a heartbroken Aussie looking for a fresh start in a South Korean classroom. The lack of training isn't much of a help, but it's the baffling natives and unhinged flatmates that really start to convince him he's crash-landed in another galaxy... Packed with over the top characters, English Toss is a demented sitcom of a novel that revels in the extremes of expat dislocation. Total length: 240,000 words.
In the tradition of Erma Bombeck and Peg Bracken, author Lisa Quinn—Emmy Award-winning television host and recovering Marthaholic—gets real on the follies of housekeeping. Life's Too Short to Fold Fitted Sheets is a crash course in Slacker Chic 101 that will have over-extended women everywhere laughing out loud and throwing in the towel—the dish towel, that is. Full of shortcuts and tricks for cleaning, decor, and entertaining,such as: the top 10 things you have to clean if you have company coming in 30 minutes; interior finishes that hide the most dirt; 17 meals made from a deli chicken; and much more, this wickedly funny guide helps women create the life they want without all the hard labor—and without compromising style.
Mordantly funny, thought-provoking travel essays, from the acclaimed author of Out of Sheer Rage and “one of our most original writers” (New York Magazine). This isn’t a self-help book; it’s a book about how Geoff Dyer could do with a little help. In these genre-defying tales, he travels from Amsterdam to Cambodia, Rome to Indonesia, Libya to Burning Man in the Black Rock Desert, floundering in a sea of grievances, with fleeting moments of transcendental calm his only reward for living in a perpetual state of motion. But even as he recounts his side-splitting misadventures in each of these locales, Dyer is always able to sneak up and surprise you with insight into much more serious matters. Brilliantly riffing off our expectations of external and internal journeys, Dyer welcomes the reader as a companion, a fellow perambulator in search of something and nothing at the same time.
After exploring more than twenty other African nations using only public transport, Sihle Khumalo this time roams within the borders of his own country. The familiarity of his own car is a luxury, but what he finds on his journey through South Africa ranges from the puzzling to the downright bizarre. Voyaging from the northernmost part of South Africa right to the south, the author noses his car down freeways and back roads into small towns, townships, and villages, some of which you’ll have trouble finding on a map. But this is no clichéd description of beautiful landscapes and blue skies. Khumalo is out to investigate the state of the nation, from its highest successes to its most depressing failures. Whether or not he’s baffled, surprised, or sometimes plain angry, Sihle Khumalo will always find warmth in his fellow South Africans: security guards, religious visionaries, drunks, political activists and the many other colourful personalities that come alive in his riveting account.
"Drawing on the unique resources of the Oxford English Dictionary, Stone the Crows features over 6,000 slang words and expressions, from the British beer goggles, through the American cockamamie, to the Australian gigglehouse. This collection contains old favourites as well as the very latest slang terms. In addition to the A-Z entries, the book contains a comprehensive thematic index, details of origins, dates of first printed use, and thousands of illustrative quotations from famous names including John Lennon and Woody Allen." --Book Jacket.