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How much do you know about the lives of bisexual men who are married to women? Do you know any personally? Have you seen them represented in the media or pop culture? Bisexual people make up a majority of the LGBT+ community, but they are still relatively hidden and misunderstood. Robert Brooks Cohen aims to address this invisibility by sharing a collection of interviews with Bi+ men who are or were married to women, helping readers find connection, understanding, and community. Their experience is often erased as "not queer enough", but these men are queer, and they are challenging societal norms in important and innovative ways. Written by the host of 'Two Bi Guys', this book intersperses Robert's bisexual journey with the diverse stories of other Bi+ men to help normalize sexual fluidity and create more awareness and compassion. Each chapter is framed around a bisexual married man's story which touches on an important theme in many people's journey, such as coming out, monogamy, intersectionality, porn, marriage, parenting, and finding community, with Robert sharing his thoughts, research, and analysis. This book shares interviews with men and a few of their wives from a wide array of cultural and regional backgrounds, religious family structures, and more, helping bisexual men find pride, validation, and joy in their sexual identity. This book is written about and for bisexual and questioning men so they can see their experience represented. However, it is also for their partners, family, and friends - as well as students, researchers, clinicians with bisexual clients, and allies - so that they can better understand the unique challenges of this identity and provide meaningful support.
"Married Men Coming Out" enables a man to come to terms with the issues surrounding his coming out, reduce and alleviate some of his fears, and give him the strength and courage to become not only a role model for others, but a pioneer and an educator. "The greatest gift you can give anyone is the truest essence of yourself." The purpose of this book is not to provide reasons for or against homosexuality. It is, though, a guidebook for those who, having lived a heterosexual lifestyle, realize that they've made a mistake in denying and suppressing their true identity - that of being attracted to members of their own sex - and now realize that being married and even having children, they can no longer live a double life. They need to be who and what they are: gay. This particular subject receives intense public scrutiny, mostly by way of scandals, thus, making the prospect of coming out that much more terrifying for any man. This book alleviates many of the fears attached to coming out by covering everything a man must face giving him in-depth, personal and data-rich insights, clarity, and focus. Personal stories of those who attended the Married Men's Coming Out Group that I facilitated for six years illustrate numerable situations, many poignant, some heartbreaking, and others humorous. Married men were and still are coming out of the woodwork to finally be who they truly are. No more are they willing to compartmentalize their lives, their relationships, and their hearts - no matter what their religion, state and federal laws, or current trends may be telling them. At heart, this book is about authenticity. Being a non-denominational term, authenticity is described as: "...having a genuine...authority in opposition to that which is false, fictitious, or counterfeit." All human beings want to be the opposite of false, fictitious or counterfeit, yet the vicissitudes of life are such that we work incredibly hard doing just the opposite. Hence, the need for this book is paramount as we each seek to live authentically and in so doing, find some level of inner peace, self-acceptance, integrity, joy, and love without which the world may not evolve to reflect these essential attributes for all of mankind.
Framed by a comprehensive review of international research, literature, and film, this book is an intimate journey into the experiences and insights of 79 Australian women in relationships with bisexual men. It takes us into the daily lives, sexual intimacies, and families of MOREs (mixed-orientation relationships) that span the gamut from extremely oppressive experiences with bi-misogynist men to extremely liberating with bi-profeminist men. Aged 19 to 65, the women are in monogamous, open, and polyamorous relationships with bisexual-identifying and/or bisexual-behaving men. The women themselves are bisexual, lesbian, heterosexual, while others refuse to categorize their own sexualities. The book addresses the discovery or disclosure of the man's bisexuality, how the relationships work and where they flounder, how the partners negotiate and establish 'new rules' and boundaries to maintain their relationship, and the impact of class, rural/urban setting, ethnicity, indigeneity, race, religion, and education on these relationships. But this book isn’t only about MOREs. The research, revelations and reflections in this book tell us much about current and shifting global constructions and understandings of intimate relationships, sexual desires and love, and the socio-cultural representations and labeling of genders and sexualities.
Becoming Visible offers cutting-edge psychological perspectives on bisexual and queer identities and the cultural and mental health issues facing bisexual, lesbian, gay, queer, and questioning individuals and their partners. Essential for any professional seeking to provide "best practice" services to this population, Becoming Visible addresses the therapeutic needs of bisexuals at every stage of the life cycle. This volume explores why some people resist identity labels and what bisexual men and women consider exemplary and harmful in their therapeutic experiences. It also helps practitioners distinguish between the stresses brought on by being part of a sexual minority and the clinical symptoms that indicate serious mental health issues. It includes research on ethnic minority bisexuals, youth, elders, gender-variant individuals, and bisexuals engaging in alternative lifestyles and sexual practices such as polyamory and BDSM. Edited by a psychologist who specializes in sexual-orientation and gender-identity issues and with contributions from scholars and professionals from multiple disciplines, the book embraces perspectives from the empirical to the phenomenological, and outlines both scientific and practice-based approaches to the subject while carefully considering the psychological, cultural, and spiritual dimensions of the issues confronting bisexual men and women. Becoming Visible is a crucial step in the improved mental health and well-being of bisexuals, transgender individuals, and other sexual minorities. This book offers a path toward awareness and compassion for those who seek to understand, treat, and empower this underserved and frequently misunderstood group of mental health clients.
"Over the Cliff" is a self-help book for husbands and wives living in straight/gay marriages. Over three million gay men in the United States and millions more around the world are living double lives in marriages to women due to societal pressures or a lack of understanding their homosexuality at the time of marriage. This book has over a dozen interviews with men who have lived through this experience and offer their insights to others. The book is co-authored by Bonnie Kaye, M.Ed., an internationally recognized counseling specialist for straight wives married to gay men and Doug Dittmer, a gay husband peer counselor who has worked with Kaye over the past five years helping numerous gay men in marriages come to terms with their homosexuality so they can move on to more fulfilling lives. About the Authors Bonnie Kaye is an internationally recognized Relationship Counselor/Author in the field of straight/gay marriages. She has provided relationship counseling for over 25 years with more than 70,000 women who have sexually dysfunctional husbands due to homosexuality, bisexuality, transgenderism or sexual addictions. She is considered an authority in this field by other professionals and the media. Kaye has published five books on straight/gay relationships, which have sold thousands of copies. Her website www.Gayhusbands.com has consistently remained in the number one position on Google, Yahoo, and other major search engines since it's launching in 2000. When media contacts want an expert, they come to Bonnie Kaye who has more experience and expertise than any other person in this country. Her official book website is located at www.BonnieKayeBooks.com. Kaye's other books include: "The Gay Husband Checklist for Women Who Wonder; Doomed Grooms: Gay Husbands of Straight Wives; ManReaders: A Woman's Guide to Dysfunctional Men; Straight Wives: Shattered Lives; Bonnie Kaye's Straight Talk;" and "How I Made My Husband Gay: Myths About Straight Wives." With over 30 years experience in business management, Talent Acquisition and Executive Recruitment, Doug Dittmer's career has depended on his ability to coach clients and employees in problem resolution. Eighteen years into his marriage, Doug faced his own crisis and announced that he was gay. In 1981 Doug put his skills to work to fight discrimination against lesbian, gay and bisexual people. Doug began as a Legislative Lobbyist for the Michigan Organization for Human Rights (MOHR), the State's premier gay rights organization. Within a short time he was elected as the group's Education Officer, charged with the responsibility of educating the general public about lesbian and gay issues. Doug went on to be elected President of the organization. Under his leadership, a task force of volunteer litigation attorneys was recruited to overturn Michigan's sodomy statutes. Two years later, in MOHR v. Kelly, MOHR achieved that objective when the Wayne County Circuit Court ruled the statute as unconstitutional. In November 1985, the Detroit City Council recognized his achievements and leadership in the area of human rights by awarding him the Spirit of Detroit Award. Over the years since, Doug has reached out to other gay men coming to terms with their sexuality in mid-life, acting as peer counselor and coach.
“Confessions of A Bisexual Husband” is a candid, honest, rivetting account of a man coming to terms with bisexuality within the confines of marriage and fatherhood. The book redefines our most dearly-held beliefs about sexuality, monogamous marriage, and living an authentic life. Cohen takes us into his intimate world of sexual exploration as he tries to solve the mystery of his lifelong struggle with bisexuality. After 15 years of marriage, two kids, and illicit experimentation with men behind his wife Gabrielle's back, Marco confesses it all to her. For most this would be a dealbreaker – not so for Gabrielle. She too felt unhappy and confined in the marriage. Together they decide to set each other free, opening their relationship and exploring beyond the bounds of their monogamous, heterosexual union. Gabrielle is soon forced to face her own beliefs about what it means to be a sexually active and liberated woman. She struggles to allow herself the freedom she wants, until disovering an inner strength she never knew she had. No longer able to take each other for granted, their sexual encounters bring about a healing change of perspective in both, enabling them to attain levels of love, intimacy, and respect for the other deeper than they'd ever thought possible. "Confessions of a Bisexual Husband” is provocative, sexual, humorous, poignant, and most of all, transformative. In the end this is a very modern re-love story between two people who literally travel to the ends of the earth and beyond the bounds of their marriage to rediscover the love they have for each other.
Self-help book about facing emotional pain and the freedom to be that is the result.
Jennifer can’t believe it. Just married and pregnant, she discovers that her husband has been meeting Brad for sex. When confronted, Tom doesn’t deny it, but he insists it’s just “a thing” and he isn’t gay. Elsewhere, John’s wife, Karen, discovers that her husband likes to watch gay porn. John doesn’t understand his wife’s reaction. Why does she care what he watches if he’s not unfaithful? In couple’s therapy, Karen and Jennifer raise the same questions: Does this mean my husband is gay? Can my marriage survive? These and other stories illustrate the difficulties inherent when a wife or girlfriend finds out her man has had or wants to have sexual contact with other men. But many times, the man is not gay or even bisexual. Of course, some men with gay sexual interests are gay men in a process of self-discovery; they are “coming out.” These desires may only reflect a different side of a man’s sexuality or some response to childhood trauma or experiences they have not fully processed. Here Joe Kort and Alexander P. Morgan make the distinction between gay men and “straight men with gay interests” clearer to women who want to know how they can overcome these revelations. The authors explain the many reasons why straight men may be drawn to gay sex; how to tell whether a man is gay, straight, or bisexual; and what the various options are for these couples, who can often go on to have very fulfilling marriages. Is My Husband Gay, Straight or Bi? is intended to help couples understand how male sexuality can express itself in ways that may be difficult to understand. Many marriages have been hurriedly terminated when couples (and their therapists) have lacked the information they needed to understand their current situations. This book provides the clarity, describes the choices, and (in many cases) offers hope for relationships and marriages that have been brushed off as doomed.
A moving and pioneering celebration of the male bisexual self that addresses biphobia in our society In today’s sexual world, both straight and gay and lesbian communities still often refuse to accept the reality of bisexuality. Bi Men: Coming Out Every Which Way confronts head-on the limiting views that bisexuality is a transitional phase of sexual evolution or a simple refusal to accept being either homosexual or straight. This pioneering collection of moving personal essays by bisexual men and those who love them explores what it means to be bisexual in today’s monosexually oriented society. The millennial shift in sexual perspectives draws more and more men to come out as being attracted to both women and men. Bisexual and bi-curious men will find comfort and camaraderie in these stories about coming out, its impact on family and marriage, evolving perspectives on bisexuals within the LGBT community, and the building of acceptance and affirmation for bisexuality and polyamory. The nearly three dozen essays in Bi Men: Coming Out Every Which Way are told in the honest words of bisexuals, confirming the validity of their place in the world while illustrating that there are more bi men than anyone ever realized. These diverse and pioneering men’s stories reveal a long-disguised and unconventional truth—that bisexuality is a valid lifestyle that does not threaten either sexual camp. Each contributor to this collection affirms the innate fluidity of self, sexuality, family, and community, and proclaims that sexuality is truly diverse in its predispositions and creativity. Bi Men: Coming Out Every Which Way separates its essays into four parts: coming out and personal realization of bisexual nature bisexuality’s effects on family and marriage an examination of the shifting viewpoints of bisexuality within gay communities ways in which bisexuals can affirm and respect their own desires and celebrate their sexual selves These intimate stories address: biphobia monosexual prejudice the impact on marriage family issues coming out to self, spouse, and family political and community issues religious and spiritual concerns Bi Men: Coming Out Every Which Way is a vibrant, reassuring call to bisexuals, the bi-curious, or anybody who knows and loves a bisexual/bi-curious man, to read and more completely understand the unique issues of being bisexual while providing the ultimate affirmation of bisexuality’s existence.
What happens when married men face their gay/bisexual needs?This astonishing volume offers an intimate look into the lives and thoughts of bisexual men. Already married to women, these men are undeniably attracted to other men. Their struggle with conflicting needs, desires, and loyalties is not filtered through theories or evoked in brief interviews. It comes straight from their own keyboards. The stories told in Bisexual and Gay Husbands are taken from an Internet mailing list, which allows people to speak freely and in anonymity, yet also encourages the development of a tightly knit community. Men at all stages of the coming-out process share their experiences, their secrets, their pain, shame, anger, and hope.One man writes, “I have found the answer to my bisexual needs and am afraid to embrace it. I need help and advice to know what to do. What you people have done in your lives may hold the key to helping me decide on a course of action. I am either going to create a dream come true or hell on earth as I destroy my marriage. I can’t tell which, and of course you can’t either. But you CAN tell me how you are handling the problems I am facing.”Bisexual and Gay Husbands includes advice and information on the issues that touch these men most deeply, including: how do I tell my wife and kids? what does it mean to self-identify as bisexual or gay? what kinds of relationships do I want with men? can triads work? how do I deal with my children’s reaction? do I have to leave my wife? The insight, intelligence, and honesty revealed in Bisexual and Gay Husbands make it a riveting read, but it also has great clinical and historic value for therapists, sex theorists, and bisexual men and their families.