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This little book gives more than 20 examples of BIFF responses--brief, informative, friendly, and firm--for all areas of life, plus additional tips to help readers deal with high-conflict people anywhere. 158 pp.
Hostile emails, letters and conversations can drain inordinate amounts of time, emotional energy and expense in the workplace. For over a dozen years, the BIFF method of communicating has helped thousands of people calm conflicts and create clear communication in response to misinformation, blame, and unnecessary anger in writing or in-person. This new book focuses exclusively on workplace conflicts, with instructions in how to use the four-step method with numerous examples of what works and what does not work to demonstrate potential pitfalls. It also includes tips on how to coach co-workers and others on writing effective BIFF responses to customers, clients, employees and managers--instead of becoming consumed in unhealthy back-and-forth conversations. BIFF is simple, practical, and can help you get the communication outcomes you want by diffusing tension, containing conflict, and establishing professional boundaries. Brief, Informative, Friendly and Firm. Use BIFF to lower your blood pressure, turn down the conflict flame, and restore your confidence.
In divorce and co-parenting, not only do parents need to deal with their own emotions, they may be faced with a daily barrages of hostile calls, texts, social media blasts, and/or emails. How can you regain a sense of control and peace for your own sake and for the kids? For more than a decade, the BIFF method of responding to hostile and misinforming emails, texts and conversations, has grown in use by thousands of people dealing with a person with a high conflict personality. This third book in the BIFF Communication series is especially devoted to parents dealing with issues in and after separation and divorce as they co-parent their children, complete with instructions in the four-step BIFF method and numerous examples for dealing with co-parent situations. When parents use this approach, not only do they feel good about their end of the written or verbal conversation, but it tends to influence the other parent to communicate more productively as well. While it's simple and practical, it's not natural for most of us because we are hooked by the emotional intensity. This book can help you reduce the conflict and regain your sanity by learning what to write and what not to write. Brief, Informative, Friendly and Firm. The BIFF is a communication game changer--it works!
From the creator of the popular website Ask a Manager and New York’s work-advice columnist comes a witty, practical guide to 200 difficult professional conversations—featuring all-new advice! There’s a reason Alison Green has been called “the Dear Abby of the work world.” Ten years as a workplace-advice columnist have taught her that people avoid awkward conversations in the office because they simply don’t know what to say. Thankfully, Green does—and in this incredibly helpful book, she tackles the tough discussions you may need to have during your career. You’ll learn what to say when • coworkers push their work on you—then take credit for it • you accidentally trash-talk someone in an email then hit “reply all” • you’re being micromanaged—or not being managed at all • you catch a colleague in a lie • your boss seems unhappy with your work • your cubemate’s loud speakerphone is making you homicidal • you got drunk at the holiday party Praise for Ask a Manager “A must-read for anyone who works . . . [Alison Green’s] advice boils down to the idea that you should be professional (even when others are not) and that communicating in a straightforward manner with candor and kindness will get you far, no matter where you work.”—Booklist (starred review) “The author’s friendly, warm, no-nonsense writing is a pleasure to read, and her advice can be widely applied to relationships in all areas of readers’ lives. Ideal for anyone new to the job market or new to management, or anyone hoping to improve their work experience.”—Library Journal (starred review) “I am a huge fan of Alison Green’s Ask a Manager column. This book is even better. It teaches us how to deal with many of the most vexing big and little problems in our workplaces—and to do so with grace, confidence, and a sense of humor.”—Robert Sutton, Stanford professor and author of The No Asshole Rule and The Asshole Survival Guide “Ask a Manager is the ultimate playbook for navigating the traditional workforce in a diplomatic but firm way.”—Erin Lowry, author of Broke Millennial: Stop Scraping By and Get Your Financial Life Together
A four-step method for handling the increasingly-outrageous behavior of narcissists and high-conflict people at work: customers, employees, managers and business-owners.
The level of stress and conflict in today's world is higher than seen in decades. We all can use tools for managing the emotions this has caused. At the same time, there also appear to be more "high conflict" people who are preoccupied with blaming others and verbally venting or attacking those around them. Yet, these upset emotions and conflicts can often be calmed immediately through the use of a simple EAR Statement(TM), a method developed and refined by Bill Eddy over the past fifteen years and taught to hundreds of thousands of professionals and individuals. Following on the success of his widely-known BIFF Response(R) method and books, this new book by Bill Eddy on EAR Statements will come in handy in all kinds of upset situations: family conflicts, workplace disputes, neighbor controversies, and any other setting. A simple statement communicating empathy, attention and/or respect to an angry, sad, mentally ill or any upset person at any time can work wonders in minutes. Yet it's not as easy as it looks. It takes practice and this book gives over twenty examples of applying this method in families, communities, customer relations, volunteer organizations, public service, politics, business, police encounters, racial conflicts, schools, mental health settings, and others. Empathy, attention and respect are what all people are looking for, especially when upset or in a conflict. This book will give you the details of how to calm upset people with EAR every day.
The 10th-anniversary edition of the New York Times business bestseller-now updated with "Answers to Ten Questions People Ask" We attempt or avoid difficult conversations every day-whether dealing with an underperforming employee, disagreeing with a spouse, or negotiating with a client. From the Harvard Negotiation Project, the organization that brought you Getting to Yes, Difficult Conversations provides a step-by-step approach to having those tough conversations with less stress and more success. you'll learn how to: · Decipher the underlying structure of every difficult conversation · Start a conversation without defensiveness · Listen for the meaning of what is not said · Stay balanced in the face of attacks and accusations · Move from emotion to productive problem solving
Drawing from Buddhist and yogic precepts, this practical guide offers tools for becoming a better, more compassionate communicator at home, at work, and in the world Have you ever tried to tell someone what you want only to feel misunderstood and frustrated? Or hesitated to ask for what you needed because you didn't want to burden the other person? Or been stuck in blame or anger that wouldn't go away? Judith and Ike Lasater, long-term students of yoga and Buddhism, experienced dilemmas like these, too. Even though they had studied the yoga principle of satya (truth) and the Buddhist precept of right speech, it was not until they began practicing Marshall Rosenberg's techniques of Nonviolent Communication (NVC) that they understood how to live satya and right speech. In What We Say Matters, Judith and Ike describe their journey through NVC and how speech becomes a spiritual practice based on giving and receiving with compassion—everywhere, all the time—whether at home, at work, or in the world. Their writing is deeply personal, punctuated by their recounts of trial and error, success and failure, laughter and challenge—even in writing this book! They guide you through an introduction to NVC with clear explanations, poignant examples, suggested exercises, and helpful resources. With practice, you'll learn new ways to: • Extend empathy to yourself and others • Distinguish between feelings and needs • Make requests rather than demands • Choose connection over conflict • Create mutually satisfying outcomes
Provides answers for keeping everyday problems in the workplace, family or neighborhood from becoming "high-conflict" disputes.
Some difficult people aren’t just hard to deal with—they’re dangerous. Do you know someone whose moods swing wildly? Do they act unreasonably suspicious or antagonistic? Do they blame others for their own problems? When a high-conflict person has one of five common personality disorders—borderline, narcissistic, paranoid, antisocial, or histrionic—they can lash out in risky extremes of emotion and aggression. And once an HCP decides to target you, they’re hard to shake. But there are ways to protect yourself. Using empathy-driven conflict management techniques, Bill Eddy, a lawyer and therapist with extensive mediation experience, will teach you to: - Spot warning signs of the five high-conflict personalities in others and in yourself. - Manage relationships with HCPs at work and in your private life. - Safely avoid or end dangerous and stressful interactions with HCPs. Filled with expert advice and real-life anecdotes, 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life is an essential guide to helping you escape negative relationships, build healthy connections, and safeguard your reputation and personal life in the process. And if you have a high-conflict personality, this book will help you help yourself.