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Are You a a Miserable Old Git? embraces the dash of gloom, twist of pessimism and sprinkling of irritability that eases life's passage. This book salutes the moaner with a treasury of anecdotes and quotations, arming a would-be miserable old git with all they need to achieve true grumpy greatness.
Railing against the world? Fed up with everything? In need of a hefty dose of cynical humour? Then Grumpy Old Git Jokes is the book for you. Straight from the mouths of the grumpiest gits our proud nation has to offer, this bumper collection contains hundreds of jokes on favourite grumpy subjects such as politics, religion, education and technology. It muses on the grump's least favourite people (including judges, bankers and lawyers – 'What is the ideal weight of a lawyer? About three pounds, including the urn'), and the perennial subjects of ageing ('Old age is always fifteen years older than what I am') and health ('All you've got is hypochondria.' 'Can you give me anything for it?'). This deliciously cynical, delightfully dour, mirthfully miserable book will help anyone indulge their inner grumpy old git.
To discover whether you (or your loved ones) possess the grumpy gene, this quiz book has been devised to gauge your reaction to hundreds of different situations. Points are awarded for each answer and your total score indicates where you rate on the grumpy scale.
Fantastically witty and painfully accurate, Diary of a Grumpy Old Git will appeal to anyone, grumpy old git or otherwise ...
Do you always struggle to see the best in a situation? Does it seem like it's raining both outside and in? If you're blind to the lighter side of life then you're clearly a grump, but don't despair—you're in good company. Are You a Miserable Old Bastard? is an amusing celebration of the grouchiness in life, featuring wittily downbeat sayings from famous grumps including P. J. O'Rourke, Dorothy Parker, Michael Moore, H. L. Mencken, Fran Lebowitz, Winston Churchill, Groucho Marx, and W. C. Fields; pessimistic tales of doom and gloom; advice on ways to spot a naturally grumpy person; fascinating insights into the science of grumpiness; and quotations from literary and fictional gloom-mongers. If you're easily irritated by the annoyances of modern-day living, if it's the little things as well as the big things that drive you crazy, this is definitely the book for you. Topics include: *grumpiness *discontent *moodiness *doom & gloom *pessimism *idiocy *cantankerousness *contempt *loathing
The Grumpy Old Git's Guide to Life is a hilarious celebration of all these grumps, how to identify one, what exactly they find so irritating and why we find their rants quite so amusing.
`A mischievously entertaining crime novel' SIMON BRETT The first instalment in The Falconer Files, Andrea Frazer's insanely gripping village detective series with a delightful slice of humour. Perfect for fans of Agatha Christie, Lillian Jackson Braun and Midsomer Murders. READER'S CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF ANDREA'S QUIRKY CRIME NOVELS! ***** 'Probably one of the best mystery novels I have read. Such complex characters... and a lovely description of village life' Reader Review ***** 'Fantastic read. Nice and easy with interesting characters. So lifelike you could conjure up a picture of each member. Brilliant!' Reader Review ***** 'This is simply an excellent classic whodunnit in the same library as Agatha Christie or Lillian Jackson Braun!!' Reader Review ***** 'Brilliantly written kept me thinking who done it. Highly recommended. Will be reading more...' Reader Review ___________ In the village of Castle Farthing a mean-spirited, spiteful, curmudgeonly old man is found drugged and strangled in the kitchen of his cottage, with no obvious clues to the perpetrator of the crime. DI Falconer and Acting DS Carmichael are summoned from the police headquarters in the nearby town of Market Darley and begin to uncover a web of grudges against the old man and a sea of familial connections between those who knew him. As the heat of July continues relentlessly, tempers flare, disturbing the usual rural calm of the village, and the normally imperturbable Harry Falconer. Faced with a crime with no obvious prime suspect and the idiosyncrasies of his new partner, Carmichael, is he gradually losing his grip on the case as the body count rises?
Railing against the world? Fed up with everything? In need of a hefty dose of cynical humour? Then Grumpy Old Git Jokes is the book for you. Straight from the mouths of the grumpiest gits our proud nation has to offer, this bumper collection contains hundreds of jokes on favourite grumpy subjects such as politics, religion, education and technology. It muses on the grump's least favourite people (including judges, bankers and lawyers – 'What is the ideal weight of a lawyer? About three pounds, including the urn'), and the perennial subjects of ageing ('Old age is always fifteen years older than what I am') and health ('All you've got is hypochondria.' 'Can you give me anything for it?'). This deliciously cynical, delightfully dour, mirthfully miserable book will help anyone indulge their inner grumpy old git. Word count: 20,000
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Beresford who had first thought Shoults objective would be the town of Albuera, saw he was mistaken, and therefore deployed troops to thwart Shoults spearhead. It was every man for himself now with fierce hand- to -hand fighting. The conflict now became an overwhelming fight for survival. Turning to look for Robbie, I had to be alert for a French bayonet or a Polish lance would have been through me. The carnage continued, with bodies from both camps, dead and wounded lying amongst dead cavalry horses. If you had been in hell you would have been in a better place. With another quick look for Robbie I spotted him alongside Matt Hayes and Will Smith, the three of them disabling a Polish lancers horse, and then after pulling him to the ground, all three bayoneting him. The carnage increased, when in desperation the French artillery opened up again with a bombardment in our direction, killing both French and allied soldiers. You could see and hear the canon balls, as they flew past our heads, some connecting causing decapitation.