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"Hilarious! Veterinary horror like Terry Pratchett would write!"-- D.J. Butler, author of WITCHY EYE"A rollicking adventure that hits all the right notes."--Christopher Ruocchio, Award-Winning Author of The Sun Eater SeriesEveryone says it was better in the Good Old Days. Before the Dark Lord subjugated us. Before he gave all the good land to his ogres, orcs and trolls, reducing the civilized races to serfdom and the dirty work: pig farming, sewer cleaning, veterinary medicine.But even before that happened, things weren't that much different for the veterinarians. Everyone cheered the heroes who rode their unicorn chargers into combat against the Dark Lord's dragons, but no one ever remembered who treated the unicorns' phosphine burns afterward. The only real difference is that now I'm treating the dragons. Today I have to save one's life. Know what fewmets are? No? Then make a sacrifice of thanks right now to whatever gods you worship, because I have only a few hours to figure a way to get them flowing back out of the Dark Lord's favorite dragon. Yeah, from the other end. And that's just my most illustrious client. I've got orcs and trolls who might eat me and dark elf barons who might sueme if their bloodhawks and chimeras don't pull through. And that doesn't even consider thepossibility that the old hag with the basilisk might show up.The only thing that's gone right this evening is finding Harriet to be my veterinary assistant.She's almost a witch, which just might save us both. If we don't kill each other first.
IF YOU CAN READ THIS, THANK A TEACHER.IF YOU CAN READ THIS AND YOU HAVEN'T BEEN FED TO THE DRAGON, THANK A VET.That's me, Dr. James DeGrande. Fire-lizards deflamed, dire-rats spayed, flea and tick removal a speciality. I'm your local veterinarian, but I'm also a slave of the Dark Lord. I've hired a new assistant Harriet, who is almost a witch. I just hope that she can do better than my last assistant who ... almost survived.There's no more heroes anymore. That's because they were all fed to the Dark Lord's pet Dragon after the last War.It's not the easiest position from which to make the world a better place, but I might be able to do something about the dragon. If His Darkness's vampiric Prime Minister doesn't do something about me first. It's time to go see my patients, and hope they don't see me first."A rollicking adventure that hits all the right notes." --Christopher Ruocchio, Award-Winning Author of The Sun Eater Series
One of the feature stories of the Cthulhu Mythos, "The Shadow Out of Time" is the tale of a professor of political economics that is thrown into a mind-shattering journey through time and space, while his body is held hostage by an alien mind. Horrified and panic-stricken by the implications of his experiences, he hopes against all reason and evidence that he has merely lost his mind.
The comedian behind the series "Whine About It" and "To Be Honest" presents a collection of humorously anguished essays chronicling the awful moments of his life so far, from everyday indignities to the humiliations of the adult world.
The thirtieth anniversary edition of a twentieth century classic - an unforgettable journey through 1960s Morocco, based on the author's own childhood For fans of Gerald Durrell's My Family and Other Animals, Laurie Lee's Cider With Rosie and Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat Pray Love Quirky, charming and suffused the footloose spirit of the sixties, this is the irresistible story of an English woman who decides on a whim to move herself and her two young daughters to Morocco. The ensuing adventure takes them through richly perfumed markets, dilapidated hotels and mystical Sufi retreats, via friendships and feuds, romances with nomadic street performers, hitch-hiking and nights camping by the coast - all seen through the eyes of a precocious five-year-old girl. Rediscover this transporting modern classic about the spirit of freedom, filled with the sights, smells and textures of twentieth century Morocco.
Gerald tells of the very unusual animals he would add to the zoo, if he were in charge.
Renowned paleontologist Robert T. Bakker and award-winning paleoartist Luis V. Rey combine forces in this oversized picture book about the evolution of dinosaurs. From the conquest of land by dino ancestor Acanthostega during the Devonian Period, through the mass die-off of dinosaurs at the end of the Cretaceous Period, Bakker and Rey take readers on a safari through time while paying subtle homage to the 1960 Giant Golden Book Dinosaurs and Other Prehistoric Reptiles that inspired them both as young dinophiles. With stops along the way to look at monster bugs, ferocious fin-backs, fluffy dinosaurs, sea monsters and the 12-year-old girl who discovered them, dinosaur orchestras, tickling tyrannosaurs, and much, much more, this is a journey readers will never forget. It's a perfect gift for young dinosaur lovers as well as adult fans of Dr. Bakker and Luis Rey!"
In this thought-provoking and playful short story collection, David Foster Wallace nudges at the boundaries of fiction with inimitable wit and seductive intelligence. Wallace's stories present a world where the bizarre and the banal are interwoven and where hideous men appear in many guises. Among the stories are 'The Depressed Person,' a dazzling and blackly humorous portrayal of a woman's mental state; 'Adult World,' which reveals a woman's agonized consideration of her confusing sexual relationship with her husband; and 'Brief Interviews with Hideous Men,' a dark, hilarious series of imagined interviews with men on the subject of their relations with women. Wallace delights in leftfield observation, mining the absurd, the surprising, and the illuminating from every situation. This collection will enthrall DFW fans, and provides a perfect introduction for new readers.
All Amber wants is a little bit of love. Her mum has never been the caring type, even before she moved to America. But Amber's hoping that spending the summer with her can change all that. And then there's Prom King Kyle, the serial heartbreaker. Can Amber really be falling for him? Even with best friends Evie and Lottie's advice, there's no escaping the fact: love is hard.
Now with a new chapter! A STUNNING BAEN BOOKS DEBUT. A brilliant Americana flintlock fantasy novel set in a world of Appalachian magic that works. Sarah Calhoun is the fifteen-year-old daughter of the Elector Andrew Calhoun, one of Appalachee’s military heroes and one of the electors who gets to decide who will next ascend as the Emperor of the New World. None of that matters to Sarah. She has a natural talent for hexing and one bad eye, and all she wants is to be left alone—especially by outsiders. But Sarah’s world gets turned on its head at the Nashville Tobacco Fair when a Yankee wizard-priest tries to kidnap her. Sarah fights back with the aid of a mysterious monk named Thalanes, who is one of the not-quite-human Firstborn, the Moundbuilders of the Ohio. It is Thalanes who reveals to Sarah a secret heritage she never dreamed could be hers. Now on a desperate quest with Thalanes to claim this heritage, she is hunted by the Emperor’s bodyguard of elite dragoons, as well as by darker things—shapeshifting Mockers and undead Lazars, and behind them a power more sinister still. If Sarah cannot claim her heritage, it may mean the end to her, her family—and to the world where she is just beginning to find her place. At the publisher's request, this title is sold without DRM (Digital Rights Management).