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The upheaval of pregnancy and new motherhood can often trigger the development of, or a relapse into, an eating disorder. This book supports pregnant women and new mothers struggling with changes in food, body image, sleep, spirituality, work, breastfeeding (or not), new motherhood identity, and postpartum depression or anxiety. Combining professional expertise, personal experience, and pragmatic suggestions, it is the ideal guide for women who are trying to balance recovery with new motherhood. The author offers recovery tools, support strategies and wisdom on how to make time for self-care while navigating the chaos of early parenthood. Most importantly, this book will help women let go of perfectionistic ideals and embrace being good enough during the massive learning curve of new motherhood.
This is a book for anyone that has lost their person. (Or for people supporting those who have lost their person. It might be a much better gift than a sympathy card or another casserole.) After your person dies you may experience numbness, anger, overwhelming sadness, or regret. You may have the experience of not being in your body or as if the world is continuing and you are an observer, watching it go on without you. You may feel like you "should" be an inspirational sunflower or look strong in your grief. You might try to put on a bright face, so that others aren't uncomfortable. We don't live in a grief literate culture. You may feel angry at stupid things people say to you. You may feel angry at people trying you console you. You may feel that it is unfair that your loved one died. Anger is a normal part of grief. You may say "I don't know who I am now, without my person. My person was with me for so long! My person was with me forever. I don't know how to be a person, separate from my person." If that is the case, now is the time for you to discover, and uncover, who You are. This is the opportunity now staring you in the face, every day. When monarch caterpillars are getting ready to turn into cocoons, they find a place to attach themselves and become still. Then they split their old skin open and wriggle into a cocoon. They literally build a new home for themselves from the inside out. Do that with your grief. Make a safe space for it, so you can transform. From there, you will be able to ask yourself, what do I want to do and who do I want to become, with the time I have? Please ask this question with fierce kindness, without regret, and with a vast amount of compassion. In this book, Dr Linda Shanti McCabe shares with you the paintings she made the first year after her husband died, as an invitation for you to see how you can create new meaning while traveling with loss. Tackling such difficult topics such as anger, grief waves, the nonlinear experience of grief, and the things your person leaves behind, Dr. Linda provides a compassionate hand to hold while traveling the journey of grief. She invites you to build a new home inside yourself, develop new capacities, find meaning, and live your life as if it were a series of questions. She encourages you to become a phoenix. She shows you what it could look like to carry grief with grace. *15% of all proceeds from this book go to Dreams From Drake (supporting children's grief), Soaring Spirits International (widow support), and Pancreatic Cancer Action Network.
With this groundbreaking book, discover the critical connections between anxiety and grief—and learn practical strategies for healing, based on the Kübler-Ross stages model. If you're suffering from anxiety but not sure why, or if you're struggling with loss and looking for solace, Anxiety: The Missing Stage of Grief offers help and answers. As grief expert Claire Bidwell Smith discovered in her own life—and in her practice with her therapy clients—significant loss and unresolved grief are primary underpinnings of anxiety. Using research and real life stories, Smith breaks down the physiology of anxiety, providing a concrete explanation that will help you heal. Starting with the basics questions—“What is anxiety?” and “What is grief?” and moving to concrete approaches such as making amends, taking charge, and retraining your brain, Anxiety takes a big step beyond Elisabeth Kübler-Ross's widely accepted five stages to unpack everything from our age-old fears about mortality to the bare vulnerability a loss can make us feel. With concrete tools and coping strategies for panic attacks, getting a handle on anxious thoughts, and more, Smith bridges these two emotions in a way that is deeply empathetic and profoundly practical.
When a loved one dies we mourn our loss. We take comfort in the rituals that mark the passing, and we turn to those around us for support. But what happens when there is no closure, when a family member or a friend who may be still alive is lost to us nonetheless? How, for example, does the mother whose soldier son is missing in action, or the family of an Alzheimer's patient who is suffering from severe dementia, deal with the uncertainty surrounding this kind of loss? In this sensitive and lucid account, Pauline Boss explains that, all too often, those confronted with such ambiguous loss fluctuate between hope and hopelessness. Suffered too long, these emotions can deaden feeling and make it impossible for people to move on with their lives. Yet the central message of this book is that they can move on. Drawing on her research and clinical experience, Boss suggests strategies that can cushion the pain and help families come to terms with their grief. Her work features the heartening narratives of those who cope with ambiguous loss and manage to leave their sadness behind, including those who have lost family members to divorce, immigration, adoption, chronic mental illness, and brain injury. With its message of hope, this eloquent book offers guidance and understanding to those struggling to regain their lives. Table of Contents: 1. Frozen Grief 2. Leaving without Goodbye 3. Goodbye without Leaving 4. Mixed Emotions 5. Ups and Downs 6. The Family Gamble 7. The Turning Point 8. Making Sense out of Ambiguity 9. The Benefit of a Doubt Notes Acknowledgments Reviews of this book: You will find yourself thinking about the issues discussed in this book long after you put it down and perhaps wishing you had extra copies for friends and family members who might benefit from knowing that their sorrows are not unique...This book's value lies in its giving a name to a force many of us will confront--sadly, more than once--and providing personal stories based on 20 years of interviews and research. --Pamela Gerhardt, Washington Post Reviews of this book: A compassionate exploration of the effects of ambiguous loss and how those experiencing it handle this most devastating of losses ... Boss's approach is to encourage families to talk together, to reach a consensus about how to mourn that which has been lost and how to celebrate that which remains. Her simple stories of families doing just that contain lessons for all. Insightful, practical, and refreshingly free of psychobabble. --Kirkus Review Reviews of this book: Engagingly written and richly rewarding, this title presents what Boss has learned from many years of treating individuals and families suffering from uncertain or incomplete loss...The obvious depth of the author's understanding of sufferers of ambiguous loss and the facility with which she communicates that understanding make this a book to be recommended. --R. R. Cornellius, Choice Reviews of this book: Written for a wide readership, the concepts of ambiguous loss take immediate form through the many provocative examples and stories Boss includes, All readers will find stories with which they will relate...Sensitive, grounded and practical, this book should, in my estimation, be required reading for family practitioners. --Ted Bowman, Family Forum Reviews of this book: Dr. Boss describes [the] all-too-common phenomenon [of unresolved grief] as resulting from either of two circumstances: when the lost person is still physically present but emotionally absent or when the lost person is physically absent but still emotionally present. In addition to senility, physical presence but psychological absence may result, for example, when a person is suffering from a serious mental disorder like schizophrenia or depression or debilitating neurological damage from an accident or severe stroke, when a person abuses drugs or alcohol, when a child is autistic or when a spouse is a workaholic who is not really 'there' even when he or she is at home...Cases of physical absence with continuing psychological presence typically occur when a soldier is missing in action, when a child disappears and is not found, when a former lover or spouse is still very much missed, when a child 'loses' a parent to divorce or when people are separated from their loved ones by immigration...Professionals familiar with Dr. Boss's work emphasised that people suffering from ambiguous loss were not mentally ill, but were just stuck and needed help getting past the barrier or unresolved grief so that they could get on with their lives. --Asian Age Combining her talents as a compassionate family therapist and a creative researcher, Pauline Boss eloquently shows the many and complex ways that people can cope with the inevitable losses in contemporary family life. A wise book, and certain to become a classic. --Constance R. Ahrons, author of The Good Divorce A powerful and healing book. Families experiencing ambiguous loss will find strategies for seeing what aspects of their loved ones remain, and for understanding and grieving what they have lost. Pauline Boss offers us both insight and clarity. --Kathy Weingarten, Ph.D, The Family Institute of Cambridge, Harvard Medical School
A therapist shares her memoir of survival after the death of her infant daughter and the process she developed to cope with her grief. How do you make sense of loss and tragedy? After the sudden and devastating loss of her infant daughter, Lily Dulan (a marriage and family therapist, psychotherapist, and certified yoga teacher) meditated, prayed, and ruminated on the only thing she had left—her baby girl’s name. In Lily’s courage to address and move through her pain, she developed a combination of proven psychological modalities, twelve-step wellness tools, spiritual healing applications, meditations, and ancient yoga. She calls this self-help process “The Name Work”. In her heartfelt memoir, Lily shares her healing journey and her method for unleashing the power in names and giving them special meaning to help move through the grief process in a thoughtful and transformative way. The Name Work method teaches you how to assign special meaning and qualities to the letters in names—a deceased loved one’s or your own—and how to create positive affirmations for each letter’s attribute. It is a tangible and personal self-healing method for whatever obstacles arise; a unique, new wellness tool for healing and self-discovery. Also includes: Affirmations, self-guided questions, meditations, and practices An A-Z dictionary of qualities to help create your own affirmations Life hacks for addictive behaviors and moving though trauma and loss A first-hand account of the author’s personal healing journey Praise for Giving Grief Meaning “Such a wise, gentle book, born of great loss, on healing, grief and transformation.” —Anne Lamott, New York Times–bestselling author of Dusk, Night, Dawn “Lily Dulan had to bear the unbearable, a loss that is every parent’s nightmare. This book relays her journey from the valley of excruciating pain to a peaceful life on the other side of it. She began the journey not knowing if peace would ever be hers again. She was rewarded for each step she took in trying to find it, discovering keys that indeed unlocked the way for her and which now she can share with others. For those still in earlier phases of grief, this book illuminates some mysterious ways a broken heart can heal.” —Marianne Williamson, #1 New York Times bestselling author of A Return to Love
From the globally acclaimed, best-selling novelist and author of We Should All Be Feminists, a timely and deeply personal account of the loss of her father: “With raw eloquence, Notes on Grief … captures the bewildering messiness of loss in a society that requires serenity, when you’d rather just scream. Grief is impolite ... Adichie’s words put welcome, authentic voice to this most universal of emotions, which is also one of the most universally avoided” (The Washington Post). Notes on Grief is an exquisite work of meditation, remembrance, and hope, written in the wake of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie's beloved father’s death in the summer of 2020. As the COVID-19 pandemic raged around the world, and kept Adichie and her family members separated from one another, her father succumbed unexpectedly to complications of kidney failure. Expanding on her original New Yorker piece, Adichie shares how this loss shook her to her core. She writes about being one of the millions of people grieving this year; about the familial and cultural dimensions of grief and also about the loneliness and anger that are unavoidable in it. With signature precision of language, and glittering, devastating detail on the page—and never without touches of rich, honest humor—Adichie weaves together her own experience of her father’s death with threads of his life story, from his remarkable survival during the Biafran war, through a long career as a statistics professor, into the days of the pandemic in which he’d stay connected with his children and grandchildren over video chat from the family home in Abba, Nigeria. In the compact format of We Should All Be Feminists and Dear Ijeawele, Adichie delivers a gem of a book—a book that fundamentally connects us to one another as it probes one of the most universal human experiences. Notes on Grief is a book for this moment—a work readers will treasure and share now more than ever—and yet will prove durable and timeless, an indispensable addition to Adichie's canon.
In You Can Heal Your Heart, self-empowerment luminary Louise Hay and renowned grief and loss expert David Kessler have come together to start a conversation on healing after loss. Louise and David discuss the emotions and thoughts that occur when a relationship leaves you brokenhearted, a marriage ends in divorce, or a loved one dies. They will also help you develop greater self-awareness and compassion, providing you with the courage and tools to face many other types of losses and challenges, such as saying good-bye to a beloved pet, losing your job, coming to terms with a life-threatening illness or disease, and much more. With a perfect blend of Louise’s affirmations and teachings on the power of your thoughts and David’s many years of working with those in grief, this remarkable book will inspire an extraordinary new way of thinking, bringing profound love and joy into your life. You will not only learn how to harness the power of your grief to help you grow and find peace, but you will also discover that, yes, you can heal your heart.
If we wish to understand loss experiences we must learn details of survivors' stories. The new version of How We Grieve: Relearning the World tells in-depth tales of survival to illustrate the poignant disruption of life and suffering that loss entails. It shows how through grieving we overcome challenges, make choices, and reshape our lives. These intimate treatments of coping with loss address the needs of grieving people and those who hope to support and comfort them. The accounts promote understanding of grieving itself, encourage respect for individuality and the uniqueness of loss experiences, show how to deal with helplessness in the face of "choiceless" events, and offer guidance for caregivers. The stories make it clear that grieving is not about living passively through stages or phases. We are not so alike when we grieve; our experiences are complex and richly textured. Nor is grieving about coming down with "grief symptoms". No one can treat us to make things better. No one can grieve for us. Grieving is instead an active process of coping and relearning how to be and how to act in a world where loss transforms our lives. Loss forces us to relearn things and places; relationships with others, including fellow survivors, the deceased, even God; and our selves, our daily life patterns, and the meanings of our life stories. This revision adds an introductory essay about developments in the author's thinking about grieving as "relearning the world." It highlights and clarifies its most distinctive and still salient themes. It elaborates on how his thinking about these themes has expanded and deepened since the first edition. And it places his treatment of those themes in the broader context of current writings on grief and loss.
When we are grieving the death of someone loved, we may struggle with making it through each day. How are we supposed to cope with our gut-wrenching grief and live our daily lives at the same time? What should we do with our chaotic, painful, and intrusive thoughts and feelings? How do we survive? And is it possible to both grieve and live with meaning and hope? If you've been asking yourself such questions, this book by one of the world's most beloved grief counselors provides affirmation and answers. Rituals give us something to do with our grief. Simple, everyday practices can give structure to our grief and hold us up us when we're feeling like we might collapse. In fact, when we're in grief, rituals are essentially effective beelines to healing. Learn what makes a ritual a ritual. (Spoiler alert: Rituals can be easy and fast!) Try some of the many solo rituals gathered here, such as letter writing, meditating, intentional emoting, grief walks, and the 10-minute grief encounter. And reach out to friends and loved ones who might like to get together for one of the simple group ceremonies. By incorporating the healing power of ritual into your days, you'll be not only surviving your grief, you'll be building in meaning and hope so that you can go on to thrive.